To All of My 50+ Year Old Female Blogger Friends

If I were ol' Santa, you know what I'd do
I'd dump silly gifts that are given to you
And deliver some things just inside your front door
Things you have lost, but treasured before.

I'd give you back all your maidenly vigor,
And to go along with it, a neat tiny figure.
Then restore the old color that once graced your hair
Before rinses and bleaches took residence there.

I'd bring back the shape with which you were gifted
So things now suspended need not be uplifted.
I'd draw in your tummy and smooth down your back
Till you'd be a dream in those tight fitting slacks.

I'd remove all your wrinkles and leave only one chin
So you wouldn't spend hours rubbing grease on your skin.
You'd never have flashes or queer dizzy spells
And you wouldn't hear noises like ringing of bells.

No sore aching feet and no corns on your toes
No searching for spectacles when they're right on your nose.
Not a shot would you take in your arm, hip or fanny
From a doctor who thinks you're a nervous old granny.

You'd never have a headache, so no pills would you take
And no heating pad needed since your muscles won't ache.
Yes, if I were Santa, you'd never look stupid
You'd be a cute little chick with the romance of a cupid.

I'd give a lift to your heart when those wolves start to whistle
And the joys of your heart would be light as a thistle.
But alas! I'm not Santa, I'm simply just me
The matronest of matrons you ever did see.

I wish I could tell you all the symptoms I've got
But I'm due at my doctor's for an estrogen shot.
Even though we've grown older this wish is sincere
Merry Christmas to you and a Happy New Year!


Evidence of an Artistic Life said...

This is a total hoot! And my life!!!!
chris p

Charmingdesigns said...

OMG...that is so funny........and true!! LOL. Laurie

goooooood girl said...

your blog is so good......

MizSmoochieLips said...

Lol, I'll have to send my friend over to read this!

Tootie said...

Hi Sherry-
You are the winner of cards and CD on my blog! Please send me an email with your address and I'll get them out to you! Congrats!
Merry Christms-

Sherry Goodloe said...

Ooooooooo I am so happy to be the winner of the cards that Melissa made *and of course the cd of holiday music - we have the same taste!*. Like I always say, "everything happens for a reason". And HEY! . . . tis the season, RIGHT? *smiles*

dollybelle said...

Hey Miss Sherry!
You won my blog contest, Holiday reliquary ornament!
Come on over and claim your prize! Have a great holiday! Congratulations!

Susan Sager Brown said...

Since I am much closer to 50 than 40 I can FULLY appreciate this hilarious post!
And I want some of your "winning" luck to rub off on me!!!
holiday best,

ginny said...

Love this!
I am sending it on to my friends.
I love your blog music too.

Have a happy!

A Robin's Nest said...

Love that poem and since turning 50 this past year, I can really relate! Love your blog and will be back often to check it out. Merry Christmas and congrats on winning the giveaways!

She'sSewPretty said...

Too funny! I just stumbled upon your blog. I'm turning 50 next year and that scares me to death. But, the alternative scares me too. Thanks for the giggle...though I'm afraid some of it is already coming true! Ack.